I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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