Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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