I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
