I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
