alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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