He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
