it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
