You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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