I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
