did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
