also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
