Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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