You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
