and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
