Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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