Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
