i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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