you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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