Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
