if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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