I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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