I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
