Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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