I'm lost and stupid without you.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
