I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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