I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
