Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
