yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
