I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
