went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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