Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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