I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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