remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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