if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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