I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
