I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
