"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
