I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
