That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sorry my hands just texted you
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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