God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
