Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
