this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
