he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
