There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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