Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My ass is underappreciated
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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