: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
