I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
