as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You should frame my arrest warrant.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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