i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
