I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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