I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
